My computer is up and running again and now it is time to start reflecting. Reflecting back to when I first started to blog and write into my thinspo journal it looks like quite a bit has happened.
What has happened
I am in the low 180's
I found out that my thyroid has been against me all along and its genetic
I have multiple food allergies which help swell me up and break me out
I got a new job back in my old field and I like it
I finished school with a MA degree
Still with the boyfriend
Got a safer car to drive
I can jog three miles with no problem
I have found natural supplements that help with my energy and allergies
I love juicing my fruits and veggies
I took control of my own health
I learned a new art which is a new hobby
Things I am now working on
Find out if I've got some endocrine/reproduction issues
Figure out how to use my new degree
Gain more money
Kick my new candy addiction- damn candy drawer at work:(
Add more skills to my persona so that can add to my career
Keep jogging- shoot for 5 miles and get back on my work out and eating schedule
Lose 30 + more lbs
Get back to being organized
Take better care of my hair, skin and nails
Not stress out that I'm not losing weight quickly
Every one's support through this blog and others have really helped me focus, especially since I don't live close to my friends and family anymore.
Which brings up how I need to make friends in this town. It's hard but I know I can find a like minded person or I will just have to fly out to be with my friends more. I miss my girls :)
Well that's all I've got. I hope everyone reflects at what they have accomplished this year and not look at all of the disappointments.
Ciao Bellas!
Friday, December 7, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Wow It's been way too long
I cannot believe how long it's been since I updated this blog. I miss you all! I was reading back on my last post and can honestly say that I am in a better mental place. So much has happened...
1) I finished my liquid/ juicing fast. I did it for two weeks and I still juice my breakfast most days.
2) I got a new job! It's a blend of using both of my degress, the pay is OK, but they do give consistent raises so that's good.
3) Job comes with benefits, Yah!
4) Car broke down, but I got another one that feels safer to drive in.
5) Thyroid meds have been working and as long as I stay away from my allergen foods, my face is staying clear.
So those are the positive points of life right now. Now here are the not so good, but things will improve.
1)I have been slacking on my jogging since my work day is ten hours and I have a 40 minute drive each way. On my work days, I will be using my treadmill before I go to bed. I am making myself do that. I still jog on my off days.
2) A co- worker has a hard core candy drawer and I have been hitting it like a fiend. I am going to try to not go in there this week, but I will take things day by day. I get too overwelmed when I think of the big picture of things.
3) I was 184.6 just last week and now I'm at 189.6. I did the same thing week before last. Ugh. I hope that getting back on track will help me shed the weight while it's still water before it turns to fat.
4) Face is not the clearest after me getting it like an addict in the candy drawer. How am I going to handle Halloween?
My new goal for the end of year is to be 160. That seems realistic enough.
I hope everyone is doing well. We still have four months to get our butts in shape!
1) I finished my liquid/ juicing fast. I did it for two weeks and I still juice my breakfast most days.
2) I got a new job! It's a blend of using both of my degress, the pay is OK, but they do give consistent raises so that's good.
3) Job comes with benefits, Yah!
4) Car broke down, but I got another one that feels safer to drive in.
5) Thyroid meds have been working and as long as I stay away from my allergen foods, my face is staying clear.
So those are the positive points of life right now. Now here are the not so good, but things will improve.
1)I have been slacking on my jogging since my work day is ten hours and I have a 40 minute drive each way. On my work days, I will be using my treadmill before I go to bed. I am making myself do that. I still jog on my off days.
2) A co- worker has a hard core candy drawer and I have been hitting it like a fiend. I am going to try to not go in there this week, but I will take things day by day. I get too overwelmed when I think of the big picture of things.
3) I was 184.6 just last week and now I'm at 189.6. I did the same thing week before last. Ugh. I hope that getting back on track will help me shed the weight while it's still water before it turns to fat.
4) Face is not the clearest after me getting it like an addict in the candy drawer. How am I going to handle Halloween?
My new goal for the end of year is to be 160. That seems realistic enough.
I hope everyone is doing well. We still have four months to get our butts in shape!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
197, liquid meals and graduation...not in that order
Hey lovely people!
I can now officially say that I am a grad school graduate:) I am happy that I am done so that I can focus on...what else but losing weight:) I have been juicing my meals with having a little protein with each meal. I have no idea about calorie content for the day and that feels nice not to stress how many calories that I ate/drank. I was inspired after watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead to try and fast for at least 30 days. So far I have been fasting for 4 days and have lost 1.5 lbs, which is a huge deal for me since I have an underactive thyroid which causes me to gain weight. So I am now 197 and I think I may be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The thyroid meds that I am on are natural so I won't see drastic results like some people do, but I think going natural is worth it in the long run.
The juicing has helped get rid of those post food allergy bumps that I had which makes me happy.
I have been jogging 2.5 miles straight and am trying to up my miles by 0.25 miles every other day.
I am still not happy with the job prospect situation but I hope to be employed again by next month.
Goals next month: New job and 5 lbs lighter.
Now time to get my breakfast juice on.
Have a great day lovelies.
I can now officially say that I am a grad school graduate:) I am happy that I am done so that I can focus on...what else but losing weight:) I have been juicing my meals with having a little protein with each meal. I have no idea about calorie content for the day and that feels nice not to stress how many calories that I ate/drank. I was inspired after watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead to try and fast for at least 30 days. So far I have been fasting for 4 days and have lost 1.5 lbs, which is a huge deal for me since I have an underactive thyroid which causes me to gain weight. So I am now 197 and I think I may be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The thyroid meds that I am on are natural so I won't see drastic results like some people do, but I think going natural is worth it in the long run.
The juicing has helped get rid of those post food allergy bumps that I had which makes me happy.
I have been jogging 2.5 miles straight and am trying to up my miles by 0.25 miles every other day.
I am still not happy with the job prospect situation but I hope to be employed again by next month.
Goals next month: New job and 5 lbs lighter.
Now time to get my breakfast juice on.
Have a great day lovelies.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Finally in One-derland
You guys are the first to know that...
I went on the scale this A.M. and for the second day in a row its says 199. I am finally under 200 again. Maybe it’s the thyroid meds I am on, or the liquid fast I did this weekend. Not sure, but I’m glad and I hope that it continues.
I’m kind of tired of getting my hopes up…
I jogged for an hour today with no walking breaks. Yah!
Oh thyroid meds you ask? I found out that I have borderline hypothyroidism which can give the same symptoms of having full fledged hypothyroidism. It causes weight gain (check) inabilty to lose weight despite efforts (check), hair loss (check), always feeling cold (check) among a few other symptoms. I finally found a doctor who listens to me :)
And I am gluten, wheat, corn and some dairy sensitive among a few other random food items. Might help explain why I was getting cysts on my face. They hurt like hell! But since I have changed my diet my skin is clearing up. I do have to be diligent in reading labels. These gluten free pretzels I love happen to have corn starch in them and I broke out recently. Ugh.
School is over in 2 weeks and I cannot wait!
I went on the scale this A.M. and for the second day in a row its says 199. I am finally under 200 again. Maybe it’s the thyroid meds I am on, or the liquid fast I did this weekend. Not sure, but I’m glad and I hope that it continues.
I’m kind of tired of getting my hopes up…
I jogged for an hour today with no walking breaks. Yah!
Oh thyroid meds you ask? I found out that I have borderline hypothyroidism which can give the same symptoms of having full fledged hypothyroidism. It causes weight gain (check) inabilty to lose weight despite efforts (check), hair loss (check), always feeling cold (check) among a few other symptoms. I finally found a doctor who listens to me :)
And I am gluten, wheat, corn and some dairy sensitive among a few other random food items. Might help explain why I was getting cysts on my face. They hurt like hell! But since I have changed my diet my skin is clearing up. I do have to be diligent in reading labels. These gluten free pretzels I love happen to have corn starch in them and I broke out recently. Ugh.
School is over in 2 weeks and I cannot wait!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Lurk Mode
I decided to come out of lurk mode and read a few blogs and then post. Reading back on my last blog I am so happy that I have finished that term. I am sure this next one will be brutal but it will be the last one.
Not happy that my weight has stayed the same despite me doing the right things. My face does look a bit slimmer but why is the number on the scale so high?
Not happy with my current job choices. I need to make more than 10 bucks an hour especially since I will have 2 degrees but that just has been making me overqualified.
I was pretty depressed and slept some and have been focusing on other things since stressing will do me no good.
Hope things get better for me. I have a feeling that if I was thinner then I would get the better jobs and then get to live the better lifestyle. But the odds aren't in my favor right now for whatever reason.
Not happy that my weight has stayed the same despite me doing the right things. My face does look a bit slimmer but why is the number on the scale so high?
Not happy with my current job choices. I need to make more than 10 bucks an hour especially since I will have 2 degrees but that just has been making me overqualified.
I was pretty depressed and slept some and have been focusing on other things since stressing will do me no good.
Hope things get better for me. I have a feeling that if I was thinner then I would get the better jobs and then get to live the better lifestyle. But the odds aren't in my favor right now for whatever reason.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A Quickie
Hi everyone!
I have missed you all so much! I decided to take a hiatus from most things internet and focus more on my school work. I have completed all but two assignments and the end of the term is Friday:) Yah!
Weight loss has been stuck! I have been wavering between 201-203.I have tried lowering my calories then I read that I should not be eating that low of calories. So I have slowly been eating more as suggested by a dietican- 1400-1700 calories. Truth is that I am less hungrier which makes it less likely to binge, but I have a full chin again and the scale is 2 lbs higher. I do not like seeing these changes even though they say that the extra weight will balance out and I will start losing again. But when? What if they are wrong? What if my body gets used to the calories and I start feeling hungrier? I am on TOM, but I have a feeling that I am heavier because of the increased calories. I am exercising still and planning meals and happy that those habit have stuck with me. Just not sure if eating this many calories is going to help me in the long run or if it is just ED talking.
I hope everyone is well. I will be checking in on you guys soon after all my work is turned in.
Bye beautiful ones:)
I have missed you all so much! I decided to take a hiatus from most things internet and focus more on my school work. I have completed all but two assignments and the end of the term is Friday:) Yah!
Weight loss has been stuck! I have been wavering between 201-203.I have tried lowering my calories then I read that I should not be eating that low of calories. So I have slowly been eating more as suggested by a dietican- 1400-1700 calories. Truth is that I am less hungrier which makes it less likely to binge, but I have a full chin again and the scale is 2 lbs higher. I do not like seeing these changes even though they say that the extra weight will balance out and I will start losing again. But when? What if they are wrong? What if my body gets used to the calories and I start feeling hungrier? I am on TOM, but I have a feeling that I am heavier because of the increased calories. I am exercising still and planning meals and happy that those habit have stuck with me. Just not sure if eating this many calories is going to help me in the long run or if it is just ED talking.
I hope everyone is well. I will be checking in on you guys soon after all my work is turned in.
Bye beautiful ones:)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I gotta feelin'
Hi all,
I hope everyone is feeling good. Thanks for all who gave me encouragement, it truly has helped. I have been feeling better mainly because TOM is gone. I hate how it can get me so down, but I will try to keep myself in check next month. So I did have a bit of a gain due to the binge fest I had, but I am back down to 202.4. I feel better enough to exercise almost everyday again and keeping my calories at my designated intake.
In other news, I have been reading a book called, "Brain over Binge" and it has helped me look at bingeing in a different way. Before the book, I was working on my urges and had gotten pretty far. Not sure why but TOM made me feel wacky which gave me the excuse to binge for a couple of days. But the urges were not as intense as they had been in the past. I can honestly say the book has helped me alleviate anxiety about eating and I feel that I am on the road to recovery. I never thought a book would help, but it has. There are several parallels between the writer and myself which made me relate to her. Now there are some huge differences- she ate way more calories than I have eaten in a sitting and she would make it up with countless hours of exercise. That was her form of binge/purge.
I have learned to eat and move on, not fight the urges and to not give the urges any of my time. I learned that I am not overeating because I have depression, low self-esteem, anxiety. I binged because it became a habit. I have broken habits before and yes they take some work to break, but they can be broken. I feel good knowing that this urge taking over my body can be stopped. The name of the author is in my reading list.
I made brownies the other day (my constant quest to fatten up the boyfriend, plus I just love to bake) and I have only had two. One small- out of the oven- piece and one the next day. And guess what? There are 18 more or so left and I know that I won't be going wild over them.
Have a great week-end:)
I hope everyone is feeling good. Thanks for all who gave me encouragement, it truly has helped. I have been feeling better mainly because TOM is gone. I hate how it can get me so down, but I will try to keep myself in check next month. So I did have a bit of a gain due to the binge fest I had, but I am back down to 202.4. I feel better enough to exercise almost everyday again and keeping my calories at my designated intake.
In other news, I have been reading a book called, "Brain over Binge" and it has helped me look at bingeing in a different way. Before the book, I was working on my urges and had gotten pretty far. Not sure why but TOM made me feel wacky which gave me the excuse to binge for a couple of days. But the urges were not as intense as they had been in the past. I can honestly say the book has helped me alleviate anxiety about eating and I feel that I am on the road to recovery. I never thought a book would help, but it has. There are several parallels between the writer and myself which made me relate to her. Now there are some huge differences- she ate way more calories than I have eaten in a sitting and she would make it up with countless hours of exercise. That was her form of binge/purge.
I have learned to eat and move on, not fight the urges and to not give the urges any of my time. I learned that I am not overeating because I have depression, low self-esteem, anxiety. I binged because it became a habit. I have broken habits before and yes they take some work to break, but they can be broken. I feel good knowing that this urge taking over my body can be stopped. The name of the author is in my reading list.
I made brownies the other day (my constant quest to fatten up the boyfriend, plus I just love to bake) and I have only had two. One small- out of the oven- piece and one the next day. And guess what? There are 18 more or so left and I know that I won't be going wild over them.
Have a great week-end:)
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